Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
