You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
