so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
