Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
