I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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