This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
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you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
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Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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