her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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