I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
