so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
