I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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