nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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