I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
