Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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