Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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