Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
