we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
