is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
