the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
