For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
