A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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