Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You ruined the universe
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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