I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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