I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think people are normalizing furries
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
