i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
