I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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