And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
