I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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