The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
