i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
