dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
