What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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