I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
