Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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