so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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