I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
