I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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