Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
