EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
