there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
