You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
