White coat. Heels.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
