im six kinds of drunk right now
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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