Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
