I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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