you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
