how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
is wine microwaveable?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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