super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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