I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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