I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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