I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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