I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
