Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
