ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
