I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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