4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
