I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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