My liver just broke up with me...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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