He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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