Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
