But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
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Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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