I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
