We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker